And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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