I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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