Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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