You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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