honey bunches of taint.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
