I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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