he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
