I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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