we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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