You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
