So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
