my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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