just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
