I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
