how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
