You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
