I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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