i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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