i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
