I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
