I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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