Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
