You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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