Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize