Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
