so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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