just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
