She's JV to your varsity
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
