other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
