I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
