Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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