whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
one might say we're banned from that church
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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