How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize
