Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
