Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
