New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
