it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
ttyl tear gas
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
