i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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