his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
