i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i think my tv is drunk
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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