Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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