Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
