Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
