dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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