Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
