sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
