why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
pray to the hookup gods
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
