Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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