so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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