Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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