No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
