I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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