worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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