Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So many bounce houses so little time
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
