Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
