I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
