my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
