the condom got lost in my hair
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
